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Towards the Light 



Towards the Light 

A Mystic Poem 

By 

Princess Karadja 




New York 

Dodd^ Mead and Company 

lgo8 



Copyright, igo8 
By Doddy Mead and Company 






LIBRARY of CONGRESS 
Two Copies Received 

NOV 9 t90B 

Copyriitnt Entry_ 
CLASS Ou KXC. No, 
^ COPY 3? J 



The Ufii'versity Press, Cambridge, U.S.A. 



Note 

1 HIS poem which is now brought to the 
knowledge of the British and American 
public was originally written in Swedish. 
It was published in that language a few 
years ago and met with extraordinary suc- 
cess. Six large editions were rapidly sold 
out. German, Dutch, and Danish versions 
soon appeared. French, Italian, and Rus- 
sian are to follow. 

I have myself undertaken the English 
translation, but am indebted to several 
friends for many a valuable hint. 

It is no easy task to handle poetry in a 
foreign tongue. I claim the indulgence of 
my readers for this first attempt at English 
blank verse. 

PRINCESS KARADJA 

BoviGNY Castle 

GouvY, Belgium 



Prefc 



ace 



1 he; poem that I now publish 
v/as composed under strange circum- 
stances. 

On midsum^mer night, 1899, ^ was 
alone in the chapel at Bovigny Castle, 
praying on the tomb of my husband 
and eldest son, when 1 suddenly 
heard a voice whisper : " Fetch pen 
and paper." 

I obeyed. My hand drew auto- 
matically a sun, and wrote the words 
" Mot Ljuset " ( '' Towards the 
Light") without help of my personal 
will. When I took the pen in my 
hand, I had no idea about what 1 was 
going to write, but nevertheless I 

[ vii ] 



Preface 

wrote fluently hundreds of verses. 
I must have become entranced. ... It 
seemed to me that the temperature fell 
quickly. ... I felt chilled, although 
the summer heat was oppressive. My 
soul was detached, all my senses were 
sharpened and acquired an extraor- 
dinary lucidity. I was so distinctly 
conscious of the spirit voices that it 
was almost as if I had written under 
dictation. 

Everybody who reads this poem 
might probably believe it to be the 
result of long religious meditation, 
but such is not the case. The soul 
whose evolution is narrated was an 
utter stranger to me. Most of the 
thoughts contained in this poem were 
not mine five minutes before I wrote 
them down. 

[ viii ] 



Preface 

WHERE DID THEY COME FROM? 

No satisfactory answer can be given 
to that question. Telepathy is the 
only possible explanation of such phe- 
nomena. Telepathy — transmission 
of thought — must take place in some 
way similar to wireless telegraphy. 

Vibrations of thought flash through 
the ether as well as electric waves. 
This now little-known psychic force 
will probably be mastered in the 
future. Living men will then, with- 
out difficulty, be able to communicate 
with their disembodied friends. Fifty 
years ago the idea that two people 
might exchange thoughts at a distance 
of a hundred miles, by telephone, 
would have been considered prepos- 
terous. For miy part I am absolutely 
convinced that free intercourse be- 

[ ix ] 



Preface 

tween liberated spirits and incarnated 
souls is simply a question of time. 

In every period of history each 
nev/ idea has to fight its way. Most 
people consider everything that they 
have not personally experienced to 
be more or less incredible. I shall 
therefore not be in the least surprised 
if my statement concerning the origin 
of this poem is doubted, contradicted, 
or ridiculed ; but I have decided to 
endure with resignation the annoy- 
ances to which I may consequently 
expose myself. 

Nobody who is not willing to en- 
dure personal inconvenience for the 
sake of truth is worthy to bear witness 
of eternal verities. 



[-] 



Towards the Light 



'Towards the Light 

V>IH ! Watcher in the silent 

hours of night, 
Art thou prepared to greet thy 

noiseless guests. 
The messengers from distant spirit 

worlds ? 
On rapid wings they now are 

speeding hither. 
They float around thee; canst 

thou not perceive them ? 
Soon shall thy spirit's eye discern 

their forms. 

[ 13 ] 



Towards the Light 

Hark, child of earth ! A chime 
of silver bells 

Descends to thee from starry 
worlds above, 

While gentle fragrances enchant 
thy sense. 

The darkness dies. ... A radiant 
light appears. 

Behold the ambient flame en- 
circling thee, 

That flame of living light — it 
is my soul ! 

My voice now whispers gently 

in thine ear : 
I too was once a mortal such as 

thou. . 

[14 ] 



Towards the Light 

I am not dead, although my dust 

has lain 
Deep in the silent tomb for many 

years. 
I am not dead ! My spirit still 

is living. 
Serene and strong, robed in im- 
mortal garb. 
I will ' to thee my earthly life 

unfold. 
Then shalt thou comprehend thy 

future fate. 
For I shall show thee all the path 

I trod 
From earthly darkness to the 

spheres of light. 

[ 15 ] 



Towards the Light 

Thou art a tool, chosen by 

Higher Powers, 
To tell the world what thou 

shalt here behold. 
The gift of words is thine ; thou 

shalt express 
My mighty thought, which 

dominates thy mind. 
Unknown to thee I hither led 

thy steps; 
Thy destiny I welded link by 

link. 
My hand, oh woman ! chiselled 

out thy soul : 
Resist thy Guide no more ! Sub- 
mit in peace ! 

[ i6 ] 



Towards the Light 

No blessed crop can grow on 

untilled ground ; 
Deep furrows have been driven 

in thy heart. 
And now at last I sow : mine 

hour has come ! 
May God in mercy overshadow us! 
I lift thy soul up to the source 

of Light; 
Help others as I now am helping 

thee. 
Write down the message that I 

bring to-night 
With humble thanks because thy 

hand was chosen! 
" Who art thou ?" — dost thou 

ask. — I am a sinner, 
[ ^7 ] 



Towards the Light 

Who through repentance has 

atoned his crimes. 
My name on earth is utterly 

forgotten ; 
My race is swept away from off 

its face. 

I was a man who once had rich 

possessions ; 
Alas ! A sorry use I made of 

all. . . . 
No gentle memories of loving 

deeds 
Survived me in the dismal hour 

of death. 
Yet once I did possess a thousand 

treasures — 

[ i8 ] 



Towards the Light 

Rank, beauty, health and riches 

— all were mine. 
Men envied me as fortune's 

petted child. 
I deemed myself created to enjoy, 
And carefully fulfilled that 

pleasant mission. 
No broken sob could reach my 

deadened ear. 
Nor raise an echo in my empty 

heart, 
Where on a throne of ice my 

spirit dwelt. 
Adoring as supreme Divinity, 
As centre of the world, as Lord 

and God 

[ 19 ] 



Towards the Light 

The only being whom I loved — 

Myself! 

But years rolled on . . . ever the 

well-known round ! 
Earth had no pleasure left for 

me to taste. 
I was so weary that life's pageant 

palled, 
And duller, greyer, grew the 

lengthening days. 
My selfish soul was filled with 

blank despair. 
I grew to hate the joys that could 

not still 
My craving after something I had 

missed, 

[ 20 ] 



Towards the Light 

A precious something I had failed 

to win. 
What might it be, I knew not — 

only this : 
Without it Hfe was wasted, drear 

and void. 

At last when I had emptied to 

the dregs 
Life's pleasure-cup, I longed for 

dreamless sleep. 
The chill embrace of death would 

cool my brain. . . . 
Rest! Rest! Eternal rest — oh, 

priceless boon ! 
I had no terror of the starless 

night, 

[ 21 ] 



Towards the Light 

And scorned the thought of 
coming Judgment Day. 

Annihilation seemed to me 
elysian, 

For I was weary — weary unto 
death. 

But in farewell I first would 

summon round me 
All that in former days had 

charmed me most : 
Wine, women, music, light and 

fragrant flowers — 
Andsosurrounded I would breathe 

my last. 

It was a merry night and I the 
gayest, 

[ 22 ] 



Towards the Light 

Because Life's dreary farce so 
soon would end. 

'T was my last pride to smilingly 
approach, 

Without a trace of fear, my yawn- 
ing tomb. 

The flickering lights burned low; 

the flowers drooped; 
The hour grew late; my noisy 

friends had gone. 
One guest remained — I was alone 

with Death 
Whom I had dared to summon 

to my feast. 



[ 23 ] 



Towards the Light 

A flash — a shot — then deepest 

silence reigned. 
One thrill of anguish quivered 

through my frame — 
Then all was still ! A sense of 

dreary numbness 
Crept slowly, surely over all my 

limbs. 
Around me deepest night . . . 

Yea . . . ebon darkness. 
If death had come why did it 

fail to bring 
The blessed sleep for which I 

yearned so long ? 
When would oblivion sweep away 

the past? 

[ 24 ] 



Towards the Light 

Why this delay ? At last a dawn- 
ing fear 

Shook me that something would 
begin — but what? 

I waited thus with panic-stricken 

soul. . . . 
Death I had courted to escape 

my thoughts ; 
I had destroyed myself; I must 

be dead ! 
I felt my body growing stiff and 

cold; 
The heart had ceased to beat, the 

pulse stood still. 
I was a corpse — mere matter — 

nothing more, 

[ 25 ] 



Towards the Light 

A thing which surely was bereft 

of sense — 
Yet — after death — how could 

my body think ? 
I was aghast, for now at last I 

knew 
That I had failed to murder all 

in me, 
One part was left — fiiy thought 

was still alive ! 

No mortal words can ever paint 

the terror 
That seized me when I grasped 

that awful fact. 
My senses seemed to whirl in 

stormy chaos — 
' [ 26 ] 



Towards the Light 

What would my future be ? When 
should I know ? 

The night was dark ; nowhere a 
ray of light . . . 

And I must wait . . . For what ? 
I dared not guess. 

Was it eternity — was it an hour 

That I endured this torture of 
suspense ? 

I cannot tell ! It seemed a thou- 
sand years, 

To be alive against my will ! 
What doom 

For me, who hoped the grave to 
be the end ! 

[ 27 ] 



Towards the Light 

Could there be truth, then, in 
the Devil's creed 

Of an avenging God, who, merci- 
less, 

Condemns all sinners to eternal 
hell? 

If so, I meant to bravely meet 
my Judge, 

And to receive erect the cruel 
sentence. 

I courage felt to calmly all en- 
dure — 

If but the torture of suspense 
might end. 

Still time went on. ... In vain 
I claimed my doom. 
[28 ] 



Towards the Light 

No Judge appeared ! A cry of 

keen distress 
Broke forth at last, deep from 

my frenzied heart ; 
I clamoured wildly : ** Oh, have 

mercy, Lord ! " 

A voice at once replied from out 

the gloom : 
**What is thy wMsh ? What 

favour dost thou claim 
From God, whom thou hast all 

thy life denied?" 

I murmured humbly : " Lord, a 
ray of Light ! '* 

[29 ] 



Towards the Light 

At once a flash of Radiance fell 

on me. 
And I beheld myself! Oh, bitter 

shame! 
Most ghastly is that moment for 

the man 
Who lived in utter darkness here 

on earth. 
Pray for the blind, that they 

may not despair 
When after death at last their 

opened eye 
Shrinks from the sight which 

they are forced to see, 
A human heart in hideous naked- 
ness ! 

[30 ] 



Towards the Light 

The angels of the Lord behold 

it trembling. 
And turn away at once their 

shuddering glance. 
In abject shame the soul attempts 

to hide, 
And, full of anguish, begs for 

solitude. 
God grants that grace. The soul 

is left alone — 
Alone with all the shadows of 

the past. 

I saw my earthly life glide past 

in vision ... 
Scene after scene, forgotten long 

ago. . 

[31 ] 



Towards the Light 

How blind — insanely blind, had 
I not been ! 

The sight of all my crimes con- 
founded me. 

They crushed my spirit with their 
leaden weight. . . . 

At last I whispered : " Punish me, 
oh Lord ! " 

The voice replied : " God claims 

no penalty. 
Sin punishes itself. Each evil 

seed 
Allowed to grow in wanton 

liberty 
Must bear its bitter crop of pain 

and woe. 

[ 32 ] 



Towards the Light 

The angels of the Lord no anger 

feel 
At human crime ; they see its 

fruit and mourn. 
Unhappy spirit, thou hast asked 

thy sentence ! 
Learn, then, that long ago thy 

fate was sealed. 
* There where thy treasure is, 

thy heart will be.' 
Thus spake the Christ. These 

words contain thy doom. 
Each man has something which 

he dearest holds — 
His God, — a fellow-creature, or 

himself. 
On earth he is at liberty to choose 
[33 ] 



Towards the Light 

A treasure to be kept eter- 
nally. 

The soul can after death no more 
abandon 

What during life it found most 
fit to love. 

What was thy treasure ? Hapless 
fool — behold it!'' 

A flood of light streamed down 

and I perceived 
A lifeless body stretched upon 

the floor 
Amidst a pool of blood. It was 

my corpse. 
** Behold thv treasure ! Thou 

canst claim no other. 

[ 34 ] 



Towards the Light 

Thou art compelled to keep thy 

cherished God. 
Thou mad'st an idol of a lump 

of clay, — 
No more to leave it is thy awful 

doom." 

" No, no ! " I shrieked, *' I will 

not thus be fettered ! 
Ah ! Loose me from the body I 

destroyed ! 
I love no more this thing. I 

hate to see it. 
Oh, set me free ! In mercy break 

my chains ! " 

" Hark ! Thou hast entered spirit 
life unbidden ; 

[ 35 ] 



Towards the Light 

No room with us was yet pre- 
pared for thee. 
The threshold of Eternity no man 
May cross before his final hour 

has struck. 
The plans of God no mortal ever 

altered : 
He is the Master over Life and 

Death. 
There is a lesson all on earth 

must learn 
And none may slip away, the task 

undone ; 
Nor lightly fling the human garb 

aside, 
Until the soul is fit to leave its 

dwelling. 

[36 ] 



Towards the Light 

Woe to the man who scorns the 

gift of life, 
Who, greatly daring Heaven, 

would extinguish 
The spark Divine, which burns 

within his soul ! 
The deed is vain, he only makes 

more sure 
The fate he has created by his acts. 
The sacred tie, uniting soul and 

body. 
Is only severed at the Lord*s 

Command. 
The will of thy Creator links thy 

spirit 
Still for a time to this poor clay. 

. . . Submit ! 

[37 ] 



Towards the Light 

Learn to abide in patience — 

captive soul — 
The day when liberty shall dawn 

for thee." 

** So hope remains ? My punish- 
ment will end ? 
I am not chained for all eternity?" 
I cried aloud, all thrilled with 
gratitude. 

The angel answered : " Every 
pain will end. 

One sin alone can never be for- 
given, 

The sin of pride that does not 
wish for grace, 
[38 ] 



Towards the Light 

For then the spirit dooms itself 

to darkness. 
God's arms are ever open. Every 

soul 
That struggles bravely upwards 

finds the Light. 
Though far the Goal — yet it is 

reached at last ! " 

I murmured low: "Most merci- 
ful thou art. 

Oh, glorious angel, let me know 
thy name.'' 

" Canst thou not guess it ? Often 

I approached 
Thy stony heart and strove to 

gain admittance, 

[ 39 ] 



Towards the Light 

But was repelled as soon as I 

drew near. 
I am the mournful angel men 

call Grief! . 
The Lord of Mercy sends me 

down to earth 
To show the way, which leads 

men up to Him. 
I sow in sinful hearts contrition's 

seed, . 

Then buds humility from burn- 
ing shame. 
The yearning soul strives hard to 

leave the mire; 
Though weak and trembling still 

it bravely seeks 

[ 40 ] 



Towards the Light 

To climb the thorny path to 

which I point. 
Then hasten to his aid the Radiant 

Host, 
Who, in the name of Christ, 

work deeds of love. 
Their gentle hands cannot remove 

all pain, 
But they give strength to bear 

the heavy cross. 
They fill the weary soul with 

hope and courage. 
And whisper promises of coming 

bliss. 
The pilgrim soon is taught to 

fix his gaze 

[41 ] 



Towards the Light 

Above the darkness of this present 

world. 
Up to the distant home where 

all is peace. 
For thee there still remains thy 

crown to earn 
Of Faith and Hope and Charity 

entwined. 
These thou must tend and nourish 

in thy heart, 
But first the arduous task of 

* Patience' learn ! " 



How desolate and cold the grave- 
yard seemed ! 

My only home in dismal winter- 
nights 

[4^] 



Towards the Light 

If I had better used the gift of 

hfe 
Preparing me a nest in faithful 

hearts, 
My frozen soul might now have 

been their guest, 
And found relief and warmth at 

friendly hearths. 
Alas ! On earth was none of 

human kind 
Whose grief attracted with mag- 
netic power 
My wretched soul, by all alive 

forgotten. 
I was alone in solitary gloom. 
The one companion left — my* 

lifeless frame. 

[ 43 ] 



Towards the Light 

Despairingly I searched a thou- 
sand graves 
In hope to find another living soul 
Chained to the empty forms that 

mouldered here 
Beneath the snov^. . . . Alas ! It 

was in vain ! 
Each soul had left the worn-out 

shell of dust 
In former days the object of its 

pride. 
Each one had gladly flown. I 

— I alone 
Was still a captive in this place 

of dread, 
Indissolubly fettered to my 

corpse. 

[ 44 ] 



Towards the Light 

No thing on earth e'er filled me 

with such loathing ! 
My ghastly treasure ! . . . With 

intense disgust 
Day after day I watched its slow 

decay. 
Sometimes the broken eyes would 

seem to weep 
As though, attempting to express 

my grief, 
They fain would bring me the 

relief of tears. . . . 

One night I wandered round the 

dreary grounds 
And reached the gate. Then in 

the dismal darkness 
[ 45 ] 



Towards the Light _ 

I heard a broken sob, a feeble 
wailing. 

Who could it be? Who broke 
the ghastly silence? 

A living being ? If so — why- 
came he here ? 

It was a child, a small deserted 

child. 
Left here to perish in the winter 

snow. 
I felt compassion for the tiny 

waif 
Who softly sobbed himself to 

sleep forever. 
And anger 'gainst the mother 

who could leave 
[ 46 ] 



Towards the Light 

Her child alone to meet a frozen 
death. 

What punishment too great for 
such a sin ? 

What could atone for such a cruel 
deed ? 

In righteous wrath I cried : 
" Accurst be she 

Who has abandoned this defence- 
less child ! " 

Like clap of thunder rang the 

answer forth : 
** Man, who art thou, who darest 

thus call down 
The holy wrath of God upon thy 

sister ? 

[47 ] 



Towards the Light 

The sinner thou hast recklessly 

condemned 
Thou shalt behold ! Repent thy 

malediction ! 
Leave to thy God, the Strong 

Avenger's hands 
The care of vindicating martyr's 

blood!" 

Beside me stood an angel. Sad 

and stern 
I found his look, which seemed 

to pierce my soul. 
He grasped the hand I tremblingly 

outstretched, 
Then, swift as thought, he swept 

away with me. 

[ 48 ] 



Towards the Light 

He took me to the city where I 
Uved 

In former days. We reached a 
den of vice. 

Where during life I was a con- 
stant guest. 

At his command I entered it 
again. ... 

How weird, how strange appeared 
the house of sin ! 

Aghast, I saw among the shame- 
less crowd 

Unnoticed guestsfrom silent spirit- 
worlds 

Stand dark and threatening close 
behind the living. 

[49] 



Towards the Light 

I saw how evil souls with deadly 

hate 
Urge fallen men to ever darker 

deeds ; 
I saw God's angels struggling hard 

to save 
The sparks of virtue, not extin- 
guished yet. 
This noisy palace was a battlefield, 
Where little recked the mortals 

that their fate 
Hung on the silent fight 'twixt 

light and darkness. 
But many gloomy spirits, too, I 

marked. 
Who did not fight, but wandered 

round the place 
[ 50] 



Towards the Light 

In dismal watchfulness and dumb 

despair. 
These were the souls, who once 

had thriven there. 

Mortals, who spend their lives in 

wanton revels, 
Mourn bitterly, when solemn 

death appears. 
And sternly summons them to 

leave this world. 
They strive against their lot. . . . 

They fain would linger 
Still on this earth, whose vilest 

pleasures 
Emprison after death their hapless 

souls. 

[ 51 ] 



Towards the Light 

They have no strength to rend 

the loathsome fetters. 
That vice has forged. Earth's 

joys they still remember. . . . 
Alas, poor slaves ! They love and 

miss them yet. 
Their evil lusts remain and torture 

them 
Since they no longer canbesatisfied. 
Thus they remain until desire is 

dead. 
Compelled to watch the sins of 

living men. 
At length they loathe the very 

sight of vice. 
Then slowly they forget their 

low delights: 

[ 52] 



Towards the Light 

Unclean remembrances are swept 

away. ... 
The soul begins to long for purer 

air 
And lifts its weary glance from 

dismal earth. 
Till lo ! It sees a ray of distant 

heaven 
And stretches unaccustomed arms 

in prayer. . . . 
The heavy chains slip off: the 

soul is free ! 
Magnetic force attracts it up to 

God. 
When no regrets enchain the soul 

to earth 

[ 53 ] 



Towards the Light 

Then it is lifted up by ardent 
longing 

To radiant spheres, that it can- 
not approach 

Until it learns that Death means 
— Liberty. 

I noticed then a spirit standing 

by, 

With wistful gaze intently bent 

on me. 
How well I knew the form. . . . 

It was my mother ! 
I flew to greet her with a cry of 

joy, 

But she drew back avoiding my 
embrace. 

[ 54] 



Towards the Light 

On earth my mother's arms were 
never closed 

Against the son she tenderly 
adored. 

Now — mournfully she pointed 
to the crowd 

Surrounding us. . . . With burn- 
ing shame I cried : 

'' Oh, Mother ! Mother ! Have I 
brought you here?" 

She bowed her head in silent, 

tearless sorrow. . . . 
Then brokenly she whispered : 

'*Oh, my son! 
You were my idol — dearer than 

my God, 

[ 55 ] 



Towards the Light 

Who granted me the gift of 

motherhood. 
Enthralled by trammels of an 

earthly love, 
No soul can rise. The tie must 

first be broken — 
The clay we worship from its 

altar flung. 
When death approached, I 

yearned to stay with you. 
I had my wish ! I was no longer 

free. 
My love had grown a chain at- 
taching me 
Close to your side. Invisible I 

stood 

[ 56 ] 



Towards the Light 

And read within your heart your 

guilty thoughts. — - 
I followed you with horror to 

this place. . . . 
My son ! My son ! You were 

my pride and joy, 
But now my head is bent in 

shame for you. 
You added grievous burden to my 

cross 
By dragging me with you to 

degradation." 

I stood amazed and overcome 

with grief: 
'' Oh ! Mother ! Dearest mother 

— pardon me ! 
[ 57] 



Towards the Light 

I did not know. . . , Oh ! had 

I only guessed 
That your pure eyes could see 

my darkest deeds, 
My evil angel should not have 

prevailed. 
Nay, I had fought him then with 

might and main. 
No man on earth can surely he 

so fallen. 
That he would plunge in vice, if 

but he knew 
His mother's eyes could follow 

him, . . . Each one 
Would shudder at the thought 

that the departed, 

[ 58 ] 



Towards the Light 

Dear to his heart, was thus com- 
pelled to be 

A silent witness to his hidden 
sins ! 

Atrocious is my doom ! Yet — 
well deserved. . . . 

But you ! What crime is yours ? 
Your love for me ? 

Are mothers punished for their 
deep devotion ? 

Unjust is He, who such a verdict 
passed." 

The shade of holy wrath, which 
long had darkened 

My mother's tender features, van- 
ished now. 

[ 59] 



Towards the Light 

She gently smiled: " Do not so 

quickly judge 
The sacred laws, you fail to un- 
derstand. 
If keener pain is measured out 

to me 
Than I deserve - — I suffer not in 

vain ! 
It is for your dear sake ... I 

murmur not. 
One day, my grief shall be your 

gain, my child. 
When once you truly grasp the 

love of Christ, 
Who suffered meek a thousand 

pangs for us, 

[60 ] 



Towards the Light 

Then at the mem'ry of your 

mother's grief 
You will adore the mercy of the 

Lord." 

"You love me still — although 
you now have gazed 

Into the deep abyss, down which 
I fell?'' 

I cried, all trembling^with sur- 
prise and joy. 

Then in a whisper soft the 

answer came : 
" I love you still — but now with 

tender pity. 
My blind devotion helped to ruin 

you. 

[ 6i ] 



Towards the Light 

No mortal man is fit to be adored; 
I worship you no more ! My 

broken idol 
Has lost the power to enthral 

my heart. 
Woe unto me! ... I knew not, 

in my blindness, 
That women harm the men they 

long to serve 
By giving all and claiming noth- 
ing. Love 
Must be the recompense of noble 

strife ; 
A price to victory — then it is 

precious ! 
The love a man deserves — he 

values high ; 

[62 ] 



Towards the Light 

The love unearned, despises wan- 
tonly. 

Once I was weak — the slave of 
my own heart ; 

Now I am strong : the ruler of 
my love. 

It has no more the power to hold 
me down ; 

Strength from above is granted 
it — to raise!'' 

*' Oh, mother dear ! Do not 

abandon me ! 
I am unworthy of your love'' 

— I cried. 
" But do not leave me, hopeless 

and alone ! 

[ 63 ] 



Towards the Light 

You have your liberty : I still am 

chained. . . . 
Remain with me, though you at 

last are free ! '' 

She answered gently : *' Such a 

sacrifice 
Would bring no benefit to you, 

my son. 
My mother-heart would gladly 

share your woe 
If, by the sharing, I might rend 

your bonds. 
Alas ! Each spirit has to fight 

alone 
The strenuous battle with the 

lower self. 

[ 64 ] 



Towards the Light 

No other back than ours may 

bear our load ; 
No human aid can drag for us 

our cross. 
The only help I can bestow — 

is prayer. 
Allow no hopeless sorrows to 

consume you, 
Because I am compelled to leave 

your side. 
My yearning lifts me upward : 

you will follow 
When you have learned to meekly 

bear your fate. 
Be brave ! For every victory you 

gain 

[65 ] 



Towards the Light 

You will receive sweet comfort 
from above/' 

My mother vanished. I was left 
alone. . . . 

No friend in all this crowd ! I 
felt myself 

Abandoned, lost and utterly for- 
lorn, 

My heart was filled with bitter- 
ness intense. 

Then to the angel at my side I 
turned : 

''Behold! Oh Lord! Even my 
mother shuns me. . . . 

Let me return unto my lonely 



grave ! 



[ 66 ] 



Towards the Light 

I will not linger in this noisy 

crowd : 
Abhorrent to me is the sight 

of sin, 
I sufferedless in my dark solitude." 

" Remember thy companion at 

thy grave/' 
The angel gently said. " Fulfil 

thy mission \ 
The child is still alive. Go — 

find its mother 
And crush her with thy righteous 

malediction ! 
Behold the woman in that corner 

crouching. . . . 

[67 ] 



Towards the Light 

Draw near! 'Tis she — go and 
observe her well." 

In silence I reluctantly obeyed. 
The pangs of grief had cooled 

my earlier wrath ; 
Revengeful thoughts within me 

long had died. 
What could I have to do with 

that poor creature 
Her shocking sin was no concern 

of mine. 
I could not clearly see the woman's 

face. 
For she had hidden it with both 

her hands, 

[68] 



Towards the Light 

And 'gainst the table rested 

wearily. 
Exhausted, desperate, she seemed 

to be 
A wounded animal that yearns to 

die. . . . 
She could not laugh, as others of 

her trade, 
Nor weep, . . . The fountain of 

her tears had dried. 

I watched the hapless creature 

till my heart 
Grew soft to her. The angel 

whispered low: 
** This is the woman, thou hast 

dared to curse! 

[69 ] 



Towards the Light 

Remembrance of her child now 

tortures her. ... 
Behold her grief! What pang 

hast thou to add 
To crush more utterly that broken 

heart ? 
Why art thou silent ? Dost thou 

fear to judge 
The fallen sister, who before thee 

stands ? 
God's justice she shall not con- 
front alone : 
There is a man whose sin is 

greater still. 
That babe a father had ! It was 

his duty 

[ 70 ] 



Towards the Light 

To give protection unto child and 

mother. 
He cast them both aside ! This 

coward deed 
For vengeance cries to heaven, 

though on earth 
Such acts are not condemned by 

human laws. 
God made man strong that he 

might help the weak 
Whom now he ruins, careless 

of remorse. 
Behold this woman here, so deeply 

sunken ! 
There was a time when she was 

sweet and pure ; 

[ 71 ] 



Towards the Light 

Her only treasure — her chaste 

innocence — 
She, thoughtless, gave away with 

lavish hands. 
The man she loved and trusted 

took the gift 
And in return gave lifelong shame 

and grief. 
He needed not her love. . . . An 

idle hour 
It gratified a passing whim -^- no 

more ! 
Cold scorn and mockery assailed 

her steps 
Wherever with her nameless child 

she went. 

[ 72 ] 



Towards the Light 

Each door was closed. . . . This 

one alone was open ; 
So in despair the little one she left. 
Who for this crime should justly 

bear the blame?" 

Impulsively I cried: "The heart- 
less father ! 

Pie murdered both the mother 
and the child. 

So base a scoundrel is not fit 
to live ! '' 

The angel murmured : " Look at 

her once more 
And beg thy God to be a lenient 

Judge ! " 

[ 73] 



Toibards the Light 

I looked — and looked again — 

with wonder filled. . . . 
And suddenly it seemed to me I 

knew her. . . . 
Her bended form familiar was 

to me. 
I sought 'mid half forgotten 

memories : / 

I must have known her — surely, 

ah ! But where ? 
She raised her face : I saw the 

pallid features. . . . 
Oh God ! 'twas she — the happy, 

playful child, 
Whose rosy lips — alas — had 

tempted me. 

[ 74 ] 



Towards the Light 

I recognised the spot beneath the 

curls. 
Where I had kissed her last with 

languid lips. 

I sank together with a shuddering 

cry. 
The angel sternly said : " Thou 

art the man ! 
The helpless infant, flung away 

to perish. 
Whom thou hast deigned to pity 

— is thy son. 
The tiny victim waits. . . . Come, 

watch him die ! '' 

Once more I stood beside the 
lonely spot, 

[ 75 ] 



Towards the Light 

Where — on his bed of snow — 
the boy was resting. 

He was aUve as yet, although the 
breathing 

Could scarcely be perceived, so 
faint it was. 

I bent despairing o'er the pros- 
trate form 

And cried aloud in bitter help- 
lessness : 

** Oh, could I purchase with a 
thousand pangs 

One hour of life — that life I 
once disdained, 

How quickly I would fly to 
summon help. 

[ 76 ] 



Towards the Light 

My hapless child, thou wouldst 
not perish thus ! " 

My sigh no echo raised. ... It 

died unheard. 
The howling gale alone gave me 

response 
By heaping higher drifts of 

glitt'ring snow 
All round that fragile wreck of 

human life. 
The child would perish if no 

help arrived. . . . 
No hope was possible — yet still 

I hoped ! 
It could not — should not be . . . 

I must prevent 
[ 11 ] 



Towards the Light 

My crime from reaping such a 

bitter harvest. 
Alas! I had no power- to help. 

I felt 
My utter nothingness. My very 

soul 
Rose up to God in ardent suppli- 
cation. 
In that dark hoiir of anguish 

faith was born — 
Faith in the mighty Lord, whose 

hand can snatch 
Away from death its victims. I 

attempted 
To lift my being on the wings 

of prayer, 

[ 78 J 



Towards the Light 

Humbly imploring God to spare 
my child. 

I then perceived a multitude of 
angels ; 

Their silver voices chanted — 
** Pray as we : 

Thy will be done in heaven and 
on earth, 

Oh God of love, forever and for- 
ever !'' 

I sank again down from the 

dazzling worlds 
To which my ardent thought 

had tried to soar; 
Half blinded by the glories there 

perceived 

[ 79] 



Towards the Light 

I never dared to stammer forth 
my prayer. 

How dismal, cold and dark the 

earth appeared. 
Poor child ! Why had I wished 

to chain him there? 
No ! No ! I ought no longer to 

prevent 
His pure, white soul from taking 

instant flight 
Straight to the arms of Christ 

— the children's friend. 
A martyr's crown waits those 

who meekly suflfer 
For others' guilt. . . . My son 

had won that crown. 
[ 80] 



Towards the Light 

" Ah ! What is this P Whence 

comes this wondrous light 
Which now iUuminates the night 

with brilHance ? 
It emanates from me ! " I saw 

a flame, 
Which issued from my icy heart 

— 'twas love. 
That spark from heaven, kindled 

by my child, 
Wa3 fed with burning fuel of 

repentance. 
All thrilled with joy, I felt a 

stream of warmth. 
Of radiant light, all through my 

being glow. 

[8i ] 



Towards the Light 

At last I knew how sweet it is 

to love, 
And felt most grateful to have 

learned that lesson. 

The end drew near. ... A snow- 
white childish soul 

Emerged from out its broken 
fragile shell ; 

And I drew back, not daring to 
approach, 

Lest he in terror should recoil 
from me. 

And shun the father who had 
given him 

The wretched gift of life, — and 
nothing else. 

[ 82 ] 



Towards the Light 

The child was gazing out. . . . 

He felt alone 
There on the threshold of that 

unknown world 
To which he had been sum- 
moned. Would he still 
No father find, with sheltering 

arms outstretched ? 
On earth his greeting was a 

mother's tears. . . . 
Though innocent, he was the 

child of shame. 
He had been born. . . . That 

was his only crime ! 
Was not that crime by death 

atoned in full ? 

[ 83 ] 



Towards the Light 

Now that to spirit life he had 

returned, 
Was there no father who his 

duty knew ? 

He looked around and then per- 
ceived at last 

The flame, which from my soul 
leapt forth to meet him : 

" I missed thee, whom I never 
knew on earth ! " 

He whispered, nestling in my 
hungry arms — 

" Oh father, where thou stayest, 
let me stay ! " 

*'No! No! Around me all is 
cold and dreary. . . . 
[ 84] 



Towards the Light 

Poor child, I will not share with 

thee my woe. 
My crime against thee would still 

more oppress me 
•If I delayed thy luminous ascent. 
Look up ! Behold the thousand 

stars of heaven : 
Thy home is there ! Spread out 

thy snowy wings ! 
I love thee. Gladly will I now 

renounce 
The joy thy presence would have 

given me. 
Farewell, we soon shall meet. I 

follow thee. 
When in His mercy, God my 

pardon seals." 

[ 85 ] 



Towards the Light 

The child then cried : ** See, see 

thy chain is broken! 
Oh father! Thou art free! What 

blessed joy. . . . 
NoWj hand in hand to heaven we 

can rise 
We two — together — always. 

God is good!" 



What glorious bliss it was at last 
to fly 

Away from cloudy earth in liberty 

And to approach the sun, whose 
golden rays 

Surrounded us with roseate bril- 
liancy. 

Divinely fair is the eternal dawn, 

[ 86 ] 



Towards the Light 

Which greets the first ascension 

of the soul. 
Its wondrous splendour mirrors 

faintly forth 
The great Creator's own magnifi- 
cence. 
Praise, glory and thanksgiving 

unto God, 
Who made the sun — an emblem 

of Himself. 
The human eye cannot endure 

its radiance ; 
When spirits lift their glance to 

it they tremble 
And reverently bend in adoration 
Of that sun's origin, the Source 

of Life. 

[ 87 ] 



Towards the Light 

Man can by virtue of his thoughts 
create 

A tiny world of beauty for him- 
self. 

The thoughts of God gave birth 
to lustrous heavens ; 

The stars are a reflection of His 
glory. 

Life, Love and Light compose 

the Trinity. 
A myriad sparks proceeded from 

that source. 
Each spark must grow till it 

becomes a flame. 
Which through Eternity will not 

be quenched. 

[ 88 ] 



Towards the Light 

How is the soul to grow? Through 

sorrow only, 
For grief makes man grow greater 

than himself. 
Affliction winnows tares from out 

the wheat. . . . 
The wheat grows up. . . . It is 

the crop of God. 

Behold the drops of rain, which 

fall from heaven ; 
They mingle briefly with the 

dust of earth, 
Until the sun recalls them from 

the clay. 
And lifts each sparkling drop up 

to the skies. 

[89] 



Towards the Light 

So shall at last each wand'ring 

soul return 
Unto the Source of Life from 

which it flowed, 
There to enjoy communion with 

the Christ 
And merge in perfect unison with 

God. 
There is no Paradise of idle rest, 
Where blessed spirits dwell -in 

aimless joy. 
The highest goal to which we 

can aspire 
Is to resemble God. To reach 

that end 
We struggle upwards through a 

million years. 

[ 90 ] 



Towards the Light 

Eternal hope brings us eternal 

joy: 
We paradise create within our 

breast. 

When Sorrow comes to visit 

human hearts, 
That Angel's mission is to sweep 

the Temple 
Where God Himself elects in 

grace to dwell. 
We follow in the mighty steps 

of Grief 
With gentle tread and cool the 

burning wound; 
We kiss away the tear which hides 

the sky. 

[91 ] 



Towards the Light 

Another Angel comes. . . . His 

name is Peace. 
He finds in broken hearts a 

resting place. 

To ev'ry spot on earth where 

prayers rise 
We quickly fly and carry them 

to heaven. 
Descending swift with blessing 

from above. 
We watch in patience by the bed 

of pain 
And guide the falt'ring steps of 

infant souls ; 
We fill the poet's dreams with 

wondrous beauty, 
[ 9- ] 



Towards the Light 

And bid him hear a strain of 

angels' songs. 
His silent sobs we melt in 

harmony. . . . 
His highest thought is but a gift 

from us. 

Say ! Can there bea fairer paradise? 

Can mortals dream a joy exceed- 
ing ours ? 

Like Christ, we always sacrifice 
ourselves, 

Yet keep eternally more than we 
give. 



Now dawn is near. . . . Thy lamp 
is burning low ! 
[ 93 ] 



Towards the Light 

Thy weary head sinks down in 

lassitude. 
Thy task is done: Our spirit 

child created! 
Fruit of my thought — it has 

grown up in thee ; 
In pain brought forth, but yet of 

love begotten. 
The seed he bears within is Life 

Eternal, 
That seed will germinate in 

bleeding hearts 
And ripen to a crop of richest 

blessing. 



BoviGNY Chapel, Belgium. 

Midsummernight, i8gg> 



[ 94 ] 



m\ 9 i^oB 



tp- 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 643 8416 # 



